Things I Didn't Know Until I Became a Parent

Being a parent brings about some real comedic gold... Seriously, I couldn't make half this sh*t up...All the life lessons and parenting skills you learn come with a laughable price, and sometimes it's not always "HAHA" laughing...Sometimes it's nervous "thank you Lord my child is still alive, I hope I'll laugh about this one day" laughing...

Either way, Parenthood is basically just a series of guessing and checking... We will never have all the answers, as much as we'd think or like to hope. Everyday we learn something new.

I started thinking about all the things I didn't know until I became a parent, and here are my top 6, although I'm sure I could go on for days about things I've learned...

1. Hard plastic toys will almost always double as weapons

I have been hit with more plastic toys than I can count, more than half of which I'd like to think are accidents, but who really knows what's going on in my sweet, little toddler's brain...My kid once nearly blinded me by shoving a plastic pizza slice in my eye. I'd like to think she was just trying to feed me, but for all I know she was trying to serve me some pay back for the green beans I tried to sneak into her applesauce...🙄🙄🙄

I also just got smacked in the face with a plastic light up globe because I wasn't pushing the button to light up the globe...

2. Where there's a will, there's a way

I've learned that if a child wants to do something, come hell or high water, they will find away. To be honest, I've occasionally been impressed with my kiddos determination and will power. When she crawled out of her crib for the first time, I was more impressed than mad... I mean that takes a certain level of skill... I might be raising a little dare devil or an evil genius, it's too soon to tell....

3. When another parent stares at you, it's more likely that they feel sorry for you than that they're judging you

Before kids, I'm not going to lie, I remember looking at parents and judging them if their kids were being crazy or loud. I was a total asshole. I own it. But now, now I've learned that if it's another parent that's looking at you, most times it's to share a silent moment of compassion. I can't tell you how many Mom's have given me the "girl, I feel you" look when my kid has gone ape shit in a public place. It's that little reassurance, that it happens to the best of us, that makes it not so horrifying.

4. Talking on the phone is literally the worst

I HATE talking on the phone. Hate, hate, hate. I'm a Mom. One, I can't hear you over my child's screams for attention. Two, I don't have any free time to actually talk. And three, if I'm being honest, I'd rather text just so I can take the conversation at a pace that my mom brain can handle... And no, I don't check my voicemail, so please don't waste your time! Text me!

5. You're the only one who can say negative things about your kid

I really don't want this to be taken the wrong way... I'm hoping once I explain it, it will make sense. If you have siblings, think of when you were a kid... You probably talked so much smack about your sibling... How annoying they were, how horrible they were at sports...whatever the case may be...but when it's someone else talking about your sibling, it's just not cool.

I can talk about how crazy my kid is. I can talk about how infuriating and frustrating she is, but someone other than my husband or I? Oh no. No, no, no, no, no... Nope. Talk about my kiddo, as wild as I know she is, and we will have some serious problems. Am I right?!?

6. Non-edible items WILL be eaten

The first few times my child ate something non-edible, I just about had a nervous breakdown. "Oh my God. My child just ate dirt, and possibly a bug. Should I call poison control?!?" Now it's like, "well, I'm sure that paper is good fiber..." Just yesterday my kiddo decided to taste her finger paint... I don't think it tasted as good as she hoped....🤷🤦🙄

Now be honest...

How many of these do you relate with, and what other things have you learned since becoming a parent??