The Dirty Little Secret about Potty Training

Parenting is a lot like running a marathon... Each hurdle that you jump brings you one step closer to the next jump. And just when you think you've cleared all the barriers, new obstacles pop up just to keep you on your toes...

I've somehow managed to successfully clear the first few hurdles... The first steps, first words, sleep training, transitioning to a big kid bed...We've even mastered mask wearing (Something I never imagined I'd have to teach a toddler)...Sure, I might have fumbled once or twice, but damn it I made it through. I persevered. I would have even ventured to say that I was pretty confident in my parenting skills after surviving those first few important milestones....

Confident in my parenting skills....silly me... 🤦‍♀️ Of course the parenting gods would knock me down a few pegs for that comment. 🤷‍♀️

I grossly underestimated the next hurdle I was approaching: potty training.

HOW DID I NOT REALIZE THE INTENSITY AND DIFFICULTY OF WHAT SEEMS TO BE A PRETTY OBVIOUS HUMAN PROCESS?!?!

How did no one tell me this would NOT be as simple as I anticipated? Am I the only parent on this planet that had no idea about the literal shit storm that was about to hit me?!?

Potty training has been the bane of my existence for months. We've had many successes. We've had many failures. We've had ginormous puddles of pee on the floor that my child refers to a "muddy puddles" (thanks Peppa Pig). I swear I've learned every way NOT to train a child to use the toilet... 🚽

And just when I thought I had it figured out (we've FINALLY been going potty on the toilet consistently, without accidents), the dirty truth emerged...

Poop training.

What fresh hell is this? What a sick joke. Your kid pees on the toilet and you are filled with such a sense of accomplishment. Hallelujah, this hurdle is behind me. Only to be met with the depressing stink of a massive poop nugget in your kids fresh and new big kid undies.

And why is pooping on the toilet (or lack thereof) a thing? Well, I asked my toddler that very question, and she informed me that she was afraid to poop. Afraid to poop? Somehow pooping in your pants is NBD, but pooping on the toilet is a no no? Sitting in your own stink is more preferable than pushing that turd out and flushing it down into oblivion?!?!

IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

But then again, nothing makes sense when you're raising a toddler so why would anything start making sense now... 🤷‍♀️

So we've been struggling....

I've spent an asinine amount of money on "poop prizes". I've begged. I've pleaded. I've let my child watch me while I poop (a private act that I once deemed sacred). All to no avail...

Don't get me wrong, my kiddo has actually gone poop on the toilet a small handful of times, to which we've celebrated and rewarded...but for some reason we just can't get consistent with it. I am completely at a loss, and I'm fresh out of ideas...

Someone please send help, because I cannot deal with the relentless and lingering poop stains in pants, and the whining and complaining from my toddler.

So send me all your tips and tricks. This is a poop-mergency. A disaster of stinky proportions.

As a thank you in advance, I'll leave you with a poop joke:

What do women and toilet paper have in common?

They both deal with a lot of crap.

But for real though, how did you poop train your kiddos?