Mom Guilt & $125 Dollar Jeans

I was so fabulous before I had a kid.

That statement probably makes me sound like such an ass, but follow me here, you'll see where I'm going.

I am not going to lie, I have always been a SUPER frugal person, even before having a baby. If I could somehow get a Michael Kors bag on an Old Navy budget, I was gonna figure out a way to get it, and more times than not, I did. And while I might have been (and still am) cheap, I still always got myself whatever I wanted. Even if I wanted something expensive or fancy, I just hustled harder and got it. I would buy whatever I wanted and never give it a second thought. I knew that I earned whatever I treated myself to, so there was no need to feel any other way about it.

Everyone I know mocks me mercilessly about my penny pinching ways, and to be honest, I don't really blame them. I am definitely a "saver" and a financially conscious person, but I swear since having a kid, it has become a psychotic compulsion. I am constantly crunching numbers in my head and trying to find ways to save a dollar. I am obsessed with making our money go further.

It's weird because generally speaking, our family is doing great where finances are concerned. We have very little debt, and have great careers that give us the freedom to have flexibility in what we spend. For some reason though, I am just obnoxiously concerned about our cash flow. I swear sometimes I think my husband wants to punch me.

The weird thing though, is that I have now become selectively frugal. I will spare no expense to make sure that my kid has the newest toys and the most fashionable clothes. I bought my child a freaking tablet for her first Christmas because I am a straight up psycho. (I will admit that the tablet does come in handy when we are out to dinner!) I also love spending on my husband. Anything that he hints that he might want, I have an overpowering urge to figure out a way to get it for him.

With all that being said, tell me why I spare no extravagance for my family, but when it comes to myself, I am a cheap ass biotch?

Since having Olivia two years ago, I have been losing weight and trying to be more health conscious. I have lost just under one hundred pounds! I feel so proud and accomplished. It has definitely been a roller coaster ride! And although losing weight and feeling better is amazing, I literally have nothing but yoga pants and tee shirts that fit me. When I was heavier I never wanted to wear anything else because I wasn't comfortable with my body. I can honestly say that I wore jeans for the first time in over a year just a few weeks ago... (Judge me if you must, but yoga pants are life)

My best friend Emily knows my fashion struggles, and has been praising the Good American jeans that she started wearing. I became interested in snagging a pair until I discovered that they are like $125 a pair... WAYYY out of my self imposed budget... Emily then came over and harassed me to try on one of her pairs. After some convincing, I did. OMG. First of all, I almost passed out at the fact that I fit my formerly obese ass in a pair of size 6 jeans. Secondly, these jeans are the most amazing jeans I've ever worn. So comfortable. So flattering. Literally amazing.

I needed these jeans. I wanted them so bad. But, I just could not bring myself to buy them... All I kept thinking about are all the other things I can spend that money on. I would love those jeans, and I do feel like I deserve them, but still, I just can't pull the trigger...

Why?!?! I just don't understand why. Why do Mom's always put themselves last? I mean, I know why, because I obviously do it too, but how do we stop doing it? Should we stop putting ourselves last? I honestly don't know the answer to that.

All I know is if someone wants to snag me a pair of those jeans, let a girl know. : )