I'm a Potty Training Failure.

I am a straight up potty training failure.

The only acceptable way I can think of to start this post off is 🤦.

I am honestly at a loss over all this potty training crap. I just can't. I just fail. My kid fails. We all fail. I'm spending a small fortune on diapers. My kid freaking peed in her "big girl underpants" all over my brand new living room rug... She just freaking peed right out there in the open. Zero fu*ks given. Who does that???

Oh yeah, a toddler that's not potty trained and also not wearing a diaper.🤦🤷

My kiddo is turning 3 in April. We've been slowly introducing the potty training idea for months. In a lot aspects my kid seems super ready and into the whole using the potty thing, but alas, we've made no successful potty trips yet.

I am SO confused. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, or what the right things to do are, and I'm clearly missing something major because after working on it for almost a year, we have made ZERO progress. Zero. Zip. Nada. None.

I've researched and read and asked for advice. I've hunted for tips and tricks. I've bribed. I've begged. I've demonstrated. I mean how many times does my kid have to stare me directly in the eye while I pee and poop before she figures it out?

So please send help, because this Mom is over it.

Here is what we've done so far:

1. Bought miniature potty (has a little flusher and everything)

2. Miniature potty was a bust, bought small toilet seat to go on actual toilet

3. Practiced sitting on the toilet

4. Asked relentlessly if kid had to go potty

5. Bribed with candy and prizes

6. Bought "big girl underpants"

7. Placed child on toilet against her will all throughout the day

8. Mom got stressed.

9. Mom drank wine

10. Mom Googles "Potty Training coach for hire"

11.Mom gives up

(And by Mom I mean me, obviously 😏)

That's basically where I'm at. People that I know keep telling me that maybe she's just not ready, but when the hell will she be "ready"?!? Before college I hope 🤦🤷

I just can't help but feel like I'm doing something wrong, or that I'm just not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I mean hell, I've never potty trained anyone before, I didn't even potty train my dog for crying out loud...

People keep asking me how potty training is going and I play it off like we're really making headway, when in reality we've done nothing but pee on a rug... And yes, I know that I shouldn't care what other people say and think, I freaking say that all the time, but come on, we all know that that's much easier said than done.

And now that I've typed all this out and read it a million times and over analyzed it a million times, I feel even more ridiculous because this really has nothing to do with me. Potty training is about my kid growing and learning, and somehow I'm making it all about me and my shitting potty training skills...

Why do I do this so much? Why do I turn all my failed expectations for my kid into ways that I am failing as a Mom?

Okay, so I might be a potty training failure, but I think I'm going to start calling it a potty training work in progress... Maybe I am doing things right, and maybe my kiddo just really isn't ready yet... I need to chill out and be patient. I need to stop comparing other kids to my own.

I just need to calm the f*ck down.

But for real though, let a girl know about those potty training tips, and if your kiddo isn't a potty training wiz, we're in this together.

Potty training works in progress unite!