I definitely want another baby, right?

I was verbally accosted by someone at my office the other day...

It was a work day just like any other. An older woman who I know through my job came into my office and struck up a conversation with me. We chatted a bit about general things before the subject of conversation turned to my daughter. She asked me how old my kiddo was and gave me a look of total shock and awe when I told her that my little nugget was just shy of three years old.

The woman looked at me completely flabbergasted, then said, "well you're going to have another baby right?!?". I told her that I honestly wasn't sure. Of course I want another baby, but it's a big decision. I go back and forth on a daily basis. The woman then went off on this wild tangent about how crazy I was if I didn't have another baby, and that my daughter would be a spoiled brat if she was an only child. She said I'd regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't have another baby.

Whoa. That's a lot to unpack... 🤷

Meanwhile, I was sitting at my desk sinking deeper and deeper into my chair. If I could've nonchalantly hidden under my desk to escape the conversation, I probably would have. I was completely caught off guard. How the hell do you even respond to that?!? Especially while you're on the clock at work?!?

I played it off as best I could and the woman left. To be honest, I was shaken. This woman said all the things out loud to me that I think about in my head all the time. It was slightly more brutal than when I think to myself about it, but still surprisingly accurate. I am worried that my child will be spoiled if I don't have another baby to share my love with. I am afraid I'll regret it if I don't have another kiddo.

Don't get me wrong, even though this lady made me think more critically about my future childbearing choices, I still think she could have addressed it a little more delicately with me. I mean come on lady, thanks for ripping off my emotional band-aid and slapping me in the face with it.

Either way, she's not right or wrong. I've been struggling for a while now with the decision to have another baby. I've always wanted two kids. As far back as I can remember... But now that the time is here... I'm a little scared. Can I handle two? We FINALLY have our routine as a family of three down. It works for us. But how will four work? How long will it take us to FINALLY have our routine as a family of four down? I am the WORST with unknown factors. I'm a psychotic, type A, perfectionist, who needs to fully know, understand, and plan every detail. Can I embrace the chaos of jumping back on the baby bandwagon?

The answer to that question literally changes day to day... Yesterday I was making a mental list of baby names, while today I'm freaking terrified of the thought of reproducing.. Is it normal to be so wishy-washy about something like this? Will there ever be a time of clarity when I just know what the right thing to do is? How do you know when it's right or wrong?

ugh. TBD.

Send advice.... and help...